A little update

Thank heavens the rain has stopped and the sun and warm weather have returned!  The 4 of us have been going for longer walks again which has also increased the snuggle time on the couch!  We're all hanging in here pretty well for the most part.  Still working on Moo's med balance...a blowout last week, beginning to act more hungry, but doing ok.  The last double batch of food I cooked I added sweet potato in addition to the ground beef so hopefully we can continue to add a tiny bit more weight to her.  I haven't started her on the new batch, but most likely this weekend.

Ori is really getting into the routine over here.  Potty training is going the right direction, minus a rainy saturday setback.  She knows the routine and has even included snuggle time after breakfast if we can!  She's been putting her self to bed by taking loofa dog into the crate at night and then we just close the door behind her.  Poor loofa dog isn't doing so well though...I'll have to post pictures of Ori's latest adventure with Loofa.  She's had a taste of destuffing and now every stuffy has Ori on a mission for fluff!!!!  But she's cute, so before I clean up, I document the adventure.

We've had Moo 7 months yesterday and it will be 2 months with Ori on Thursday.  Ori also turns 4 on Friday.  Not sure how we're celebrating yet....maybe some yummy things to chew?  a cardboard cake for her to destroy?  A new loofa dog?  Ha, we'll see : )  I totally love life with our 2 little girls.  I was thinking on 1 of our afternoon walks though, how much simpler life was with just 1.  Not that it was easy all the time with Tink, but obviously 1 dog is easier than 2.  I viewed life as idyllic with Tink.  I know it wasn't, but if was a beautiful not-quite-4 years with her.   It amazes me where my mind wanders as I walk with the girls.  I loved to walk with Tink, wandering around the neighborhood.  I still love walking and wandering with my girls, in the sun, in the morning, afternoon, whatever.  I just love it, even when these 2 are eating rabbit poo or whatever else they try to get into....

All in all a decent week or so....more pics to follow....

Thinking of Tink

Since Ori arrived almost 2 weeks ago I haven't had an opportunity to work on Tink's scrapbook as our spare minutes have been spent working with O.  As a result of potty training, we've been doing more laundry.  We used to call it "Tinker laundry" as we were always washing towels and blankies as she peed in her crate daily.  Now it's "dog laundry."  I went through the house and washed all the bedding and I had a wave of sadness and nostalgia as I was folding dog towels.  It amazes me where and when my heart finds a memory and it hits me.

Ori reminds us a lot of Tink.  The sighs, the snores (not as loud, but we figure we'll give her a few years to work on that!), the snuggling, the determination and courage she shows all ring of the Little One that lived and loved here for so long.   Every once in a while Ori sighs and I feel like Tink is in the room again.  We played games last night and Ori laid in my lap for a good portion of the night (stinking us out of the room, but that's another story!) content as content can be.  Her little face was so peaceful and comfy as she laid there lightly snoring away.  When we sit on the couch, she likes to lay on our lap, touching us in some way.  For some reason I didn't plan on this foster being a little snuggler...almost like I had given up hope of that happening again...

Nick and I are imagining that Tink was probably pretty similar to Ori when she was her age.  If she was in a place at that age where she could play and snuggle, I imagine she would have had a nice blend of the two.  We figure in a few years, Ori will be more like Tink as we knew her as her snuggling desire seems to be increasing the longer she is with us (I know it's only been 2 weeks but still!)  It's like through Ori, we're getting a taste of what Tinker's puppy hood might have been like.  Of course we'll never really know, but it does help me smile when I see Ori running around outside happy as happy can be.  Somehow through giving Ori a puppy hood, pieces of Tink's are here with us too.  And of course we are imagining that these similarities will carry out in Ori as she matures and enters into adulthood.

Of course we love Ori for being uniquely Ori, playing with puppy, chewing on bones, following Molly around in young curiosity, rolling on the floor and pushing off the wall with her back legs, her cute but big under bite, etc etc.  There is something pleasant about the similarities between O and Tink.  These similarities are producing more smiles than tears, although sometimes the loss of Tink still hits like a sharp blow to the stomach.

So here I sit thinking of my little heart dog and Ori is contently sleeping on my lap in all her smooshy face puppy-ish goodness.  God's timing is not a mere coincidence...

4 years ago today....

Was the beginning of a magical journey....rest in peace little one.  Know your memory and love lives on in your family

A Christmas Memory

A Christmas memory from 2008

Tinker, Stretch, Aby, Penny

This picture took a long time to get with those 4 monkeys!! 

Clearly Tink didn't see the treat the other 3 were looking at!!!

Merry Christmas Eve....

The face that started it all 4 years ago this evening....a posting on the umpteenth page on petfinder led us on an amazing adventure full of love, laughter, and some tears.  Thank you to Small Dog, especially Charli, Anne, Linda, and anyone else that helped us in the process of adding Ms. Thang to our home for almost 4 beautiful years.  I was reading through the original correspondence I had with Charli almost 4 years ago....the excitement we had over Tink from day 1 never faded the entire time she was with us.  Thank heavens for beautiful gifts in tiny packages.

Merry Christmas eve to all... those with pups, give extra kisses and love.

She hated the snow....

...but she was oh so cute....

All these pictures are from her first winter with us....2006

 Get me outta here!

One storm, I brought her outside to potty quickly and didn't realize how deep the snow was.  I put her down into it and she disappeared!  Needless to say, she wasn't thrilled me with in that moment! She stood there stunned covered in the snow and then starting sniffing and snorting to say "hello? get me outta here NOW!"

Where's the balmy Atlanta weather guys?

I think I smell hot chocolate inside....

The best Christmas gift ever....

Thinking of my little heart dog with this big snow...

remembering all the sweet memories we made together.

It's been 2 months...

....since a piece of my heart left this world.  This past week has been particularly difficult. I'm sure as we continue into the Christmas season there are constant reminders and beautiful memories of our little family with Tinker.  4 years ago on Christmas eve, we found Tink on petfinder.  On Christmas Day we received word that we would be allowed to apply to adopt her...

We hung up Christmas decorations this evening and the stockings we made several years ago opened up a wealth of memories...we hung our stockings up, mine, Nick's and Tinks plus the pink bone one from Shellie and Miss Jackie for Molly.  It just needs to be that way this year. 

Nick and I made a point to get another rose in her memory today.  It seemed fitting.  And there were big beautiful pink roses that just announced life and beauty to me.  It's on our table as a reminder of the life and love that filled our house and fills our hearts...

She was truly the best Christmas gift ever.  Sweet dreams Beautiful One...

Yes, I put her on the table

Christina and Ben came over today and we spent a great portion of the day playing Settlers, baking, eating and of course carving pumpkins. It was a fabulous and relaxing day filled with good company and lots of laughs. Molly, of course, was fantastic herself and enjoyed a frozen marrow bone for almost 2 hours while we were our second game of settlers just after lunch. Before we started the pumpkin carnage, I decided I wanted some pictures of Molly with the pumpkins. They were already on the table, so why not?

Molly was clearly not comfortable being up on the table,
especially since she couldn't find anything to EAT while she was up there

Do I look like a pumpkin?

How do I get down Mom? It's too high to jump

If that's not a sad and pathetic face then I don't know what is.

I was hoping to pose her with the finished Jack-O-Lanterns, but as of 10pm this evening, I have not done so. I've realized that I need to work on her stay command in order for her to well, stay better for pictures! Tinker clearly spoiled me with her fabulous picture posing skills....Molly's will improve with practice I'm sure.

I had the wonderful opportunity to go back and see Nancy on Friday. She is one amazing person and a fabulous acupuncturist. While it was difficult to share about Tink's passing, she of all people understood what she meant to me and how she impacted my life. Nancy always seems to help me feel like a rockstar. It was a great treatment and visit and I left her office feeling more relaxed and "put together" than I have in over a month. I am still grieving but there is this quiet peace that has been given to me. I've been able to sit quietly and listen more to what is actually being said to me. Sigh, I love how intricately we've been created.

Thankfully, we were able to sleep in a bit this morning. When I woke up the first time Molly was in bed. The next time I woke up it was because she was pawing up and softly whining on my side of the bed, just like Tink used to do every morning for so many years. (I do confess, I don't wake up nearly as immediately to Molly moving as I did with my Tink.) Of course I told her to come up and she actually snuggled against me while I rubbed her belly for 15 min or so...She had her back against me as I rubbed her belly and patted her, just as I did with her sister for almost 4 years. It was a comforting and happy way to start my morning and helped to reiterate that there is hope of finding sincere happiness and love in the other dogs that are and will continue to be brought into my life.

Just as Tink found amazing friends all over the country, Molly is finding friends too. We have been so incredibly blessed with fantastic friends, both those we spend time with in person as well as those who we share our hearts and love of Bostons with. God continues to show us his faithfulness in so many ways and I am so grateful that one way He does this is through our friends. So thank you.

Molly and her Boyfriend

Molly loves Nick. We all know it over here. Most of us have come to accept it.... She dances and sings for him on cue. When I ask the same thing, she looks at me like i'm stupid most of the time. She snuggles with Nick on the couch and when he's not around she sleeps on the chair while I sit on the couch! (can you tell who hasn't come to accept it yet?! : ) Any hoo, here are some pictures of the lovely "couple."

Molly never looks happy when I pull the camera out!

Changing positions, this is my better side Mom.
(Side note: You can see her seal coloring!
It's this beautiful almost raspberry purple-red color!!)

Snuggling with a pouty Moo

Seriously, are you done yet?

Kisses cause she loooveees him

He's my favorite, see?

Molly doesn't need a Halloween costume, look at those eyes!!!

Molly's ears seem to be all cleared of the yeast infection. I haven't seen her scratch or shake them in several days now. And she doesn't stink any more. Is it really possible that a yeast infection in her ears can make her whole body stink like a little old lady? I'm glad it's taken care of regardless!

Molly does make my heart smile although I find myself distancing myself from her lately. I feed her, walk her, clip her nails, etc etc but I don't give her the same amount of affection as I know I I could be giving her. I know in time that this will change and my defenses won't need to be as high. It does make me sad though in some ways... I don't know how to handle having a dog in this house that isn't "mine." Parker did better with me, Iggy wasn't here long enough to really tell, and well Tink is obvious.

Molly is currently snoozing on the chair on top of a blanket. She loves to lay on soft things just like Tink did. I have my down blanket on the couch lately and Molly is so comfy on it some evenings she doesn't even get off the couch immediately when we come home! Tinker used this purple comforter for years too. It's my favorite blanket myself, but I couldn't help but share it with her. 1 of her favorite soft places to lay was on top of both the down comforter on our bed and the purple comforter on top of that. She was in heaven here on earth... my little snuggler....

So all in all, Miss Moo is doing pretty well... one of these days she's gonna have a little foster sister. Her Aunty Joy is keeping a good eye on the incoming NEBTR dogs and fortunately for us, she'll bang our door down when there's a little senior that needs some help and a quiet home and love... this could be tomorrow, this could be a few months from now. We'll see what is in store for our little family.

Lousy Taste Testers

Nick and I realized something about the dogs that have come through our home over the past few years. They've all bee lousy taste testers because they eat EVERYTHING! We used to say that the liver treats or the home cooked meals that I made for Tink were "Tinker tested and approved." But she ate everything we put in front of her face. I don't think she turned down a single home made item I made the entire time we had her. (minus the home made dried sweet potatoes. She preferred them fresh out of the dehydrator, still warm. No, she wasn't spoiled at all : )

It's the same with Molly. She too is given the opportunity to taste test every new pot of food or batch of treats I make and she has yet to turn anything down. It makes me laugh. I know that fussy dogs exist. I sure hope I never get one though. I think I would be offended if I spent all that time cooking or baking and they snubbed it!

I guess the other option, as Nick suggested, is that I'm a fabulous doggy cook and it really is good food. So with that thought process, even a fussy dog would enjoy the doggy menu served here. Hmm, I'm kinda liking that thought process....oh to be a dog in this household and be such a cherished family member...

Ways Molly Makes Us Smile/Laugh

Molly doesn't like it when I cry. Unfortunately I've been crying a lot lately. When I do, she pins her little ears back and just sits there looking pathetic. When I come down to her level and talk to her, she jumps around and does everything she can to help me laugh and smile. Last night she was jumping around like a mexican jumping bean, right in between Nick and me as we were sitting on the floor facing each other.

Top ways Moo helps us laugh and smile:

• She drools and quivers when she REALLY wants whatever we're eating
• She's directionally challenged. She still goes to a door we don't live at at least once a day. When I open the right door, she's like "oh yeah, I knew that..."
• Her butt wiggle and yodel when she feels like she deserves food!
• Her goofy personality and expressions
  
• How she likes to lie behind blankets with her nose covered
• She plops herself in front of you, back to you, but touching you, waiting for some good rubbin' and love!
• She still occasionally waddles...
• And finally, for tonight, we never know what she is going to do or find around the house to amuse herself....

I had been hole punching a bunch of stuff for school and obviously didn't clean up every single last one... Molly was scrounging around for food as usual and when she looked up, this is what Nick found. Of course we had to take her picture before we removed her little pig nose! She's just a little early for Howloween, but what a great pig impersonation! Yeah, we definitely laughed over this one.....oh miss moo, or shall we say, miss piggy?

Good Grief

Tink's 3rd trip to OBX~ May 2009

I am fully aware that it is the evening and that my grief (and mental capacity) is worse in the evenings than during the days. However, I woke up this morning with a sort of grief realization and I hope that I can adequately express it. My grief up until this point has been more external: crying, visibly upset, hard to talk about the events, etc etc. The grief was very strong and very much on the surface of my being. Now as a little bit of time has passed (a lousy week and a half) the grief feels to be moving inwards. I feel it in the core of me. I can talk about the events of the past few weeks (albeit, somewhat detached at times), I still cry a bit in the evenings, but there is a deeper sadness inside me. I can run my sessions during the day, but there are periods where I can't make myself be quite as upbeat as I need to be. There are times when I feel apathetic towards much of life's activities. It sits in the center of me like an ache.

I know that this is normal and that in time, with some processing and more tears, this deepness will subside a bit and the rose colored tint to my glasses will return. The rose we are keeping in honor and memory of the life Tink lived is part of this process. Changing the picture regularly on our desktop to another adorable Tinker picture is part of the process. Adding Molly's dogbook page is a part of this process. Allowing myself to think about Tink and to imagine the softness of her little head, for me, is part of the process. Sewing a coat for Molly, continuing to cook yummy doggy meals, walking Molly, laughing at her antics and darling little face, they too are all part of this process.

I phase in and out of the denial phase too, which is fabulous by the way.... I miss her so much yet at the same time I can't quite make my heart realize that she isn't coming back. Sometimes I imagine that she is on a vacation (without me the little bum) and that she will return soon. Or I can trick myself into thinking that she is sleeping in the back and I wait for the little bump...bump...bump down the hallway to greet me when it's dinner time. Obviously neither of these scenarios are true.

Nick, Tink, and I have been blessed with some amazing friends. Patti from Woof! send me a beautiful card and I want to end this post with the poem and verse that she put in the card to us. It is as follows:

And If I go,
While you're still here...
Know that I live on,
Vibrating to a different measure
-Behind a veil you cannot see through.

You will not see me,
So you must have faith

I wait for the time when we can soar together again
-Both aware of each other

Until then,
Live your life to the fullest
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart...
I will be there.

~Author??

Psalm 34:18~ The Lord is close to the brokenhearted- He rescues those who are crushed in spirit.

Memorial Rose

A picture of the 2 snuggle bugs the last week they were both together....

As I mentioned earlier, Dr. Haver sent a beautiful rose in memory of Tink

I'll have to get better at taking pictures of flowers....

Honoring life and love

Thought it appropriate....

I picked up a new rose today for the kitchen table as the yellow one isn't celebrating life as much as it could be... We have a beautiful white rose for the week. Pictures to follow.

Nap Time

I took my first nap sans Tinker in years yesterday afternoon. It felt weird and took me longer than usual to actually fall asleep. She had been my cuddle girl for almost 4 years and filled the snuggler/nap friend that Nick has never been. For whatever reason, Nick can not nap. When Tinker entered the picture, that whole Sunday nap dilemma was solved : )

The first 3 weeks we had Tink, I had finished my internship but did not have a job. It was a fabulous 3 weeks of playing and exploring. She literally followed me around the house wherever I went. We explored the neighborhood with her in her little red winter hoodie. She sat on my lap and we posted on Woof! together. We traveled the county together in my car. And best of all, we took afternoon naps. We were at our old apartment in Lancaster and the sun shone in the bedroom mid afternoon. I was in the middle of reading the Chronicles of Narnia and Tink literally laid on my chest while I read until we both fell asleep. It was idyllic. I am actually smiling as I consider these beginnings...

Molly is currently staring at me with a sad little face...i'm not sure what she wants, but my educated guess is more food! Clearly her breakfast, licking my yogurt bowl, and a piece of hot dog is NOT enough! It appears that her belly truly is not a fan of chicken so I've had to come up with some other snacks for her. I decided hot dogs would be a tasty treat (in moderation of course.) I'm clicker training the food monkey and she's doing quite well. Of course we're just in the pairing phase and she loves to eat : )

I found Moo last night curled up on the 1 soft blanket that Tink laid on all last weekend and that hasn't been washed yet. Her little nose was pushed into the fabric. Whether or not she was actually missing Tink, I'll never know, but I took the opportunity to sit on the couch with her and talk about the little Princess and the things the 2 girls used to do together. Molly has been a delight and she continues to blossom even more now that she is an only.

Dr. Haver sent a beautiful yellow rose last Tuesday and it's still here on the table. I was initially upset when I saw it begin to fade but realized that I could buy another rose and another to commemorate the life of Tink for as long as I wanted. And considering that, made all the difference. So if you see a see rose on our dining room table, it is for our Tinker and the life that she lived. The rose will be a symbol of her life and the love that she gave rather than her death. And that thought gives me hope and strength.

It's a New Day....

April 2006

I'm learning things I didn't expect to learn through this experience. I'm sure the learning is only beginning, but if I can keep an open mind and work through the pain rather than stuffing/ignoring it, I may become even more "whole" in the process. Nick and I have a phrase that we've said and done our best to live by which still holds true in this process: "Just because something is difficult doesn't mean it is to be avoided." If I'm called to do something, I don't want to avoid it because it is difficult. Often, life takes effort and work. Friendships and relationships take time and effort and sometimes pain and heartache. Are these things to be avoided? No, especially if we want to live authentic lives. It's the same with allowing these amazing creatures to infiltrate our hearts and lives. Is it seemingly unbearable when they cross the rainbow bridge? Undoubtedly yes, it is excruciatingly painful. But the time Tink was in our lives was an amazing period filled with hope and love, laughs and silliness, affection and a beautiful bond, all with a 13.5 lb lady boston who only saw with her heart. Amazing!

Aby & Tink April 2006

I hadn't realized all the different people who read these posts or who have been affected by the blog over the past 4 years. It's been encouraging to hear people say they've enjoyed reading it or it's funny or it helps them realize they're not alone with doggy conundrums. I had decided a long while ago that even if no one read my posts that I would still post and keep track of Tink's happenings. It's original purpose was to update the amazing Small Dog Staff in Atlanta GA on Tink's progress and to keep them in the loop about her progress and growth. At some point it moved from purely informational to a place where I can express my thoughts and ideas, then it became a tool to share information about rescue and our foster dogs and before I knew it, this blog in some ways has become a therapeutic device for me to express myself as it pertains to the canine lens of my life.

my gremlin girls, April 2006

I want to continue to blog about the day to day happenings of life here with the dog(s). I don't know if Tink's blog is the best place for that or not. Maybe a new "generic" blog might be nice that would accommodate any doggy situation that Nick and I may be blessed with would be best. Or maybe it is ok to continue in Tink's memory all of the things that happen over here?

Molly and I took a ride to pick up our CSA produce yesterday and as I was putting the ridiculous amount of food, green leafy good food in the fridge I heard this tearing sound. I turned around to see Moo crunching on a big piece of lettuce. She was so determined to try and eat it, and I just laughed. She looked up at me as if to say "now if you'd just feed me my dinner I wouldn't have to eat this rabbit food!" If the camera had been ready, I would have taken a picture to share! Before Monday, I wouldn't have thought twice about sharing that story. Now with Tink gone, I wonder, is it ok?

I have had the beautiful opportunity to speak with so many wonderful people who have given me their time, empathy and love. Last night, dear Shellie spent over an hour on the phone sharing beautiful memories of Tink and Jackie, crying, laughing, and in some ways healing all at the same time. Shellie really gets this whole experience, as hard as it is, she really gets it. If someone has had a "heart dog" they get it. It was a beautiful conversation and I am so grateful for her friendship and support during this time.

I feel like I could talk and process all this forever. But this is getting pretty long. My beautiful Tink has physically left my side, but she can never leave my heart. I will continue to cry and mourn the loss of my beautiful girl. I will also begin to experience more of the joy that her life has left both in my heart and in my soul, one step at a time.

My favorite picture of Tink & me
April 2006

A Happy Memory.

If you listen closely you can hear her little snorts... I love her expression and her little ears. She was a fast little girl too!

We Miss You...

So here we are allowing ourselves to sit in the pain and grief. Allowing ourselves to experience the uncomfortableness in the hopes that over time the memories will provide more smiles than tears... in good time, however long that takes. The outpouring of thoughts, kind words, expressions of love has really been amazing. Nick and I have appreciated every comment and thought.

My mom and I were talking last night about how a dog with some special needs can leave so much more of an impact because we do so much more for them. I never really stopped to think about how every decision I made was somehow based with Tink's best interest in mind. Kristin and Spencer so graciously brought dinner and their friendship to our dinner table last night and every so often I would look over at the couch making sure her little head hadn't popped up and she didn't need anything. I can move a table chair and not worry about her bumping into it, yet I'm still so careful to keep the pathway clear.

Details and memories that we thought were lost in time instantly become fresh. The red towel I folded this morning was from the vet's office almost 2 years ago when she had surgery to remove some tumors. The way the kitchen counter is set up to have all Tink's feeding needs easily met, a small container of food, her supplements, and snacks all next to the toaster for easy access. The bottom row of CD's has been knocked over by her and we don't have the heart or desire to fix them...
The blankets so lovingly given to her from Patti and so many other kind friends over the years. The snuggle ball cover that we had kept after the bed had died had special significance to Nick. We deemed it appropriate that no other dog should use it and Molly and I brought it down to the dumpster for it's final good-bye. That bed was Tink's favorite and it helped her heal from the surgery 2 years ago...

Nick and I have another day together. We went to Dunkins in Mt Joy and with coffee and a bagel sandwich we reminisced and laughed and cried for over an hour. The house was strangely quiet when we came in, no barky dog in her crate to greet us. Her leash and harness and collar and her 50 different clothing options are all around the house. At some point I will create a scrap book of our darling Little One. I'll need some time, but it will be a beautiful creation and expression of all the love and joy that has been shared.

I think our posts will continue at least for a while. I know that some may be sad, but I'm hoping that some will be nostalgic and hit upon the beautiful memories that we shared. Nick and I were wandering through some older posts and it was so wonderful to read through all the great things that she did and we did together. We laughed that even though we said she wasn't going to sleep in bed with us, posts from as early as may 2006 indicate she was already climbing in bed with us!!! The pictures of her show such life and vitality and an energy. That's the Tinker we want to and will choose to remember.

I'm going to upload a short video clip of her from a few years ago that I don't think ever made it to the blog...

Sleep in Peace

Dearest Tinker, my little heart dog,

You came into my life at a point where I needed you most. With your spunky little high step, cuddly personality, and zest for love and life, you completed our little family instantaneously. You were my best friend in a new land and a new phase of life, often the only one I could confide in. We explored life together, from our little neighborhood to all along the east coast traveling and vacationing with our little family of 3. We took countless Sunday afternoon naps together, we baked and cooked for both you and me, you comforted me in ways no one else could.

Despite your unknown beginnings, you remained full of love and life. Despite your lack of physical vision, your heart saw things more clearly than most humans ever could. We learned how to care for each other, me cooking and getting the right supplements to care for your older body, spoiling you wonderfully with yummy snacks, warm clothes, and love and you always lent an ear, a warm snuggle, or a beautiful smile.

We knew that you would not live forever, but we would joke that we needed another 20 years with you. Your heart was so big, but your body could not keep going forever. You were such a fighter your whole life, never giving up. The most selfless thing we could do, was to help you through this last struggle. Your pain was undeserved after a life so full of love and purpose.

I will be forever grateful to you and all that you have given to me, most of all yourself. You taught me more than you will ever know. Your little life touched so many people in ways that neither of us will fully understand. While the tears still flow freely and neither your daddy nor I know how we will face tomorrow, I want to repeat over and over how much we love you and will always hold you close to our hearts. I never imagined how much you would transform and impact my life.

Your life and legacy will live on in the rescue work that we will continue to do. We will continue to foster in your memory so that others will receive the same joy and love that we received through you.

May flights of angels carry you to your final place of rest my Little One. Sleep in peace my darling Tink, you will always live on in our hearts and memories, your grace and dignity will live on, my little heart dog.

Loved since January 22, 2006

shades of gray

July, 2006

Every word, every phrase, every thought that I try to articulate comes out wrong or seems trite or shallow. Add to the mix that I'm not sure how much to say or if I really want to say it and this attempt at a post seems futile.

We have amazing friends. Nick went to the cabin with Moo and a few guys for the weekend since I had class all day yesterday. Matt and Amanda didn't hesitate to watch Tink for a good part of the day since class in VA makes for a very long day. Lindsay comes over the night before we have class so we can travel together. Jason came with her because he had a wedding in the area yesterday.

In the end Jason took fabulous care of Miss Tink in the morning and Matt came over to feed Tink and gave her an opportunity to stretch her legs in the evening. These 2 really went out of their way to help Tink be as comfortable as possible. I can't lie, things have been really rough for Tinker this past week. But for whatever reason last night when Matt took her out, she was feeling good. She ran around and around for 15 minutes according to him. He called to let me know how well she was doing, I believe "spunky" was a term he used. I believed him, but also kind of wrote him off at the same time... When I came home and took her out, she did the same thing he described for me too! She had control of her body, she was trotting around the yard, walked to the dumpster no problems, seemingly happy in fact. She seemed relaxed and pain free. It was truly a little miracle. We settled on the couch after wards and she laid there peacefully just like she had been doing for the past 3+ years...

Life gets complicated and things that I want to be black and white, stay a messy shade of gray. I am slowly being shown that there is not only 1 right and everything else is wrong in our day to day living. Sometimes there are many different rights or ways or shades in a process. Sometimes the only "right" is the one that is made, whatever that may be. Sometimes it doesn't matter what decision is made, it is still painful or hard to bear. I've been married over 4 years now, out on our own, working a steady job and being responsible, yet until this point I haven't felt like an "adult." The strength and stability that was given to me as a gift through Tinker is going through the fire being tested and refined even today. I'm praying for the strength to stand on the promises I've been given or to fall into the arms of grace...

April 2007

Enjoying the gift of today...

Tink apparently had a good morning. She didn't want to walk at 9:30, but at 10:30 she actually went around the apartments with Nick (We have some nice schedules around here some days ; ) She slept in her own bed ALL night last night...she hasn't done that in years! I did pick her up after my alarm went off this morning to snuggle instead of actually getting moving. Molly joined us and made me into a sandwich, Moo on one side and Miss Tink on the other : ) It's a miracle I made it out of the house on time this morning!

I got home this evenig to Tink circling continually in her crate. She continued to circle outside of her crate until I fed her... I found her standing 1/2 sitting 1/2 standing in the back with a slight shake in her body very shortly after dinner. She snuggled down on the couch with me for a little bit, then I walked miss Moo and came back to find her sitting on the couch again in a 1/2 sitting, 1/2 standing position. She walked down to the dumpster with me pretty well. I was going to have her go further, but my gut said to take her in. Each time I ignore my gut I get annoyed with the results so Miss Tink and I went inside.

Fortunately for Tink and Moo, I made up a new dinner entree for them when I arrived home this evening. I thought it might be a good idea for them to sample it while it was still nice and warm! This evening's tasting included venison, kale, nappa cabbage, celery, jasmine rice, eggs, and a bit of garlic for the girls dining pleasure : ) Both scarfed it down feverishly. I gotta give Tink credit, she's been eating like a champ! (it also was a convenient way to give Tink her piece of baby aspirin I forgot to put in her dinner.)

Once again, I think we're going to spend the evening snuggling on the couch... : ) My most amazing husband got us caught up on laundry and took care of the kitchen while he was home this morning. I'll get to do more baking as a result. A win-win situation, right? : )

Poor Molly is feeling a bit off with all that's been going on lately. She sat up on the couch this evening with us and put her little paw on my hand as if to say "hey, I'm here too!" Now don't get me wrong, she's been loved on, but I will say, she's definitely Nick's little lady : ) She's such a goofy girl, we'll have to post some of the goofy stuff she's been doing to keep us laughing over here!