Memories

I woke up this morning with Tinker on my mind.  I drove to work and could feel her in my arms, my memory and senses heavy with the last time I held her.  I could feel her body pressed against me that day even after she crossed the bridge.  Still warm and full of the love that she gave to me every day we had together.  I tried to move my mind to a happy thought and I saw Charli walking through the Petco door with Tink in her arms.  I could feel Tink in my arms like the first time I held her everything so new and filled with life.  Charli handed her to me and I didn't let her go....  memories so vivid, forever etched in my mind and in my senses.  The first and the last...

Sometimes I think we did things backwards.  I was given my heart dog so early in life that now things will never be the same.  I guess things are never the same regardless.  In my effort to control the tears this morning, I thought of how God cares enough about me to send such a perfect little dog into my life when I needed her the most.  He demonstrated His love to me in so many tiny ways with the gift of Tinker.  And for that I am eternally grateful.

On our walk last night I was thinking about how different things are now.  When we first adopted Tink we were new doggy parents, everything so new, so particular and so important.  We had only 1, so precious and sweet and we doted and learned together.  We still dote and learn, but we're slightly more seasoned having several fosters come through and now our 2 beautiful heathens here (whom I love dearly).  I chuckled at the somewhat inaccurate but comforting thought that Tink taught me how to love so much that it takes 2 dogs instead of 1 for me to give all the love I have to give.  (This is while Ori is eating every plant she can get her mouth on and Moo is distracted by yet another fire hydrant : )

It's been over 8 months and while I don't think that time heals, I do think love heals.  It takes time to learn to love and to use the love I've been given differently.  I wouldn't trade these 2 girls in for anything, but my heart still aches over my Tink.  The sharpness surprised me this morning as the ache has been dull for a little while.  Grief is a lifelong process but fortunately for us, so is love.  No matter how it hurts, I will choose to love.