It's a New Day....

April 2006

I'm learning things I didn't expect to learn through this experience. I'm sure the learning is only beginning, but if I can keep an open mind and work through the pain rather than stuffing/ignoring it, I may become even more "whole" in the process. Nick and I have a phrase that we've said and done our best to live by which still holds true in this process: "Just because something is difficult doesn't mean it is to be avoided." If I'm called to do something, I don't want to avoid it because it is difficult. Often, life takes effort and work. Friendships and relationships take time and effort and sometimes pain and heartache. Are these things to be avoided? No, especially if we want to live authentic lives. It's the same with allowing these amazing creatures to infiltrate our hearts and lives. Is it seemingly unbearable when they cross the rainbow bridge? Undoubtedly yes, it is excruciatingly painful. But the time Tink was in our lives was an amazing period filled with hope and love, laughs and silliness, affection and a beautiful bond, all with a 13.5 lb lady boston who only saw with her heart. Amazing!

Aby & Tink April 2006

I hadn't realized all the different people who read these posts or who have been affected by the blog over the past 4 years. It's been encouraging to hear people say they've enjoyed reading it or it's funny or it helps them realize they're not alone with doggy conundrums. I had decided a long while ago that even if no one read my posts that I would still post and keep track of Tink's happenings. It's original purpose was to update the amazing Small Dog Staff in Atlanta GA on Tink's progress and to keep them in the loop about her progress and growth. At some point it moved from purely informational to a place where I can express my thoughts and ideas, then it became a tool to share information about rescue and our foster dogs and before I knew it, this blog in some ways has become a therapeutic device for me to express myself as it pertains to the canine lens of my life.

my gremlin girls, April 2006

I want to continue to blog about the day to day happenings of life here with the dog(s). I don't know if Tink's blog is the best place for that or not. Maybe a new "generic" blog might be nice that would accommodate any doggy situation that Nick and I may be blessed with would be best. Or maybe it is ok to continue in Tink's memory all of the things that happen over here?

Molly and I took a ride to pick up our CSA produce yesterday and as I was putting the ridiculous amount of food, green leafy good food in the fridge I heard this tearing sound. I turned around to see Moo crunching on a big piece of lettuce. She was so determined to try and eat it, and I just laughed. She looked up at me as if to say "now if you'd just feed me my dinner I wouldn't have to eat this rabbit food!" If the camera had been ready, I would have taken a picture to share! Before Monday, I wouldn't have thought twice about sharing that story. Now with Tink gone, I wonder, is it ok?

I have had the beautiful opportunity to speak with so many wonderful people who have given me their time, empathy and love. Last night, dear Shellie spent over an hour on the phone sharing beautiful memories of Tink and Jackie, crying, laughing, and in some ways healing all at the same time. Shellie really gets this whole experience, as hard as it is, she really gets it. If someone has had a "heart dog" they get it. It was a beautiful conversation and I am so grateful for her friendship and support during this time.

I feel like I could talk and process all this forever. But this is getting pretty long. My beautiful Tink has physically left my side, but she can never leave my heart. I will continue to cry and mourn the loss of my beautiful girl. I will also begin to experience more of the joy that her life has left both in my heart and in my soul, one step at a time.

My favorite picture of Tink & me
April 2006