She was so beautiful...

June 2007

It's only been 3 weeks. 3 weeks today. It feels like an eternity. I am able to go through the motions of the day, occasionally there is real joy or happiness and it feels good. Molly helps me smile with her goofy antics and with laid back but food driven personality. Evenings into sleepy time are tough. Sunday night into Monday has seemed so arduous and emotionally draining. I keep saying that I know this is normal and ok, but on some level I keep waiting for the grief to be over. That is just unrealistic. Our society doesn't like people to be sad. I had someone I knew today ask me how I was doing and I returned that question with another question: Do you want to hear 'fine' or the truth?




Nick and I were able to spend a large portion of the weekend together and it was wonderful. We went apple picking, grocery shopping, cleaned house, and had a beautiful dinner home and some great walks with Miss Moo. We found that Molly's neck is pretty close to Tink's and as a result most of Tink's collars fit Moo. It was bittersweet. I really love the idea of Moo wearing some of Tink's collars, particularly her Zoe's collection one. Tink had a few articles of clothing that were a bit on the big side for her and they too fit Molly. I laughed so hard at Molly wearing 1 of Tink's "dressier" light coats while walking down the street.




I went to look for Tink last night...Molly was lying on the floor chewing on a bone. And as I so often did when Tink wasn't on my lap, I got up to see if she was on her bed behind the couch. Old habits die hard. It's the same at bed time. It's very quiet at night. Tink was loudest when she was sleeping and both Nick and I came to depend on her snoring as a sign that all was right in our home. The stark quiet greets us every night. We did share a laugh last night when Molly brought 1 of her kongs back to bed with her. It stayed in bed with her all night. Goofy girl.

My Tink was so beautiful. She was my heart. She came into our family in such a "magical" and perfect way at a time when we needed her so. My heart aches all the more when I realize that this nightmare isn't a nightmare, but a reality. In the meantime, through this process, we just take it 1 moment at a time and do what we are able to do. She was so beautiful...

I'll close this post with a quote that Shellie shared with me and that resonates in my soul:

"Memory is a precious commodity, not to be tampered with, not to be rejected. We have to be glad of its existence, for it keeps alive those special people-- the moments, the places, the feelings."

~Lauren Bacall